Public Service Announcement OR How to Avoid Porn-less Porn
It is not that often that one has a chance to do something for the greater good of humanity.
This, though, is one of my times to shine.
It has come to my attention that some of you have been receiving letters from a company called Television Preview. The letter offers YOU the exciting opportunity to preview upcoming fall TV shows and offer YOUR feedback. And YOU might win prizes.
Sounds great! The Midwest finally has a voice! But… it’s a scam. And a hilarious scam at that.
So the point of the whole thing is advertising testing. They have you fill out this “questionnaire” [NOTE: Get used to many quotation marks in this post – everything about Television Preview is faux.] about your favorite brands of hemorrhoid cream and the like so that they “know what to send you” if you should win the “door prize.”
The whole thing is “hosted,” by the way, by the schmarmiest piece of schmarm that you’ve ever seen. Dude puts John Travolta at his greasiest to shame.
Anyway, then the “show” starts. And it is clear from the beginning that something is amiss. From the get-go, you can tell that the production values are sub-UPN. In fact, they are barely super-Public Access.
Airy music is playing. Fuzzy lighting is everywhere. And we meet our heroine, a psychic wearing librarian glasses and her hair in a tight bun. Then enters her first client of the day, some tall/dark/handsome dude. They have a tense conversation. Her arms remain folded across her chest.
Cut scene. Commercials. About hemorrhoid cream.
New scene. Psychic and client are smoking a cigarette on her balcony. Her hair is no longer in a tight bun but is flowing in the wind. His shirt is partly unbuttoned. They are now apparently in love and will immediately begin exploring his past lives together. The airy music continues.
You get the idea. The whole thing makes no sense. And research on the internets later revealed that it was indeed a porn-less porn: a porn from which all of the actual porn had been cut out. And Television Preview was showing the thing to a roomful of 80-year-olds who really appeared to be none-the-wiser.
My friend and I did not stay any longer, but I imagine that the evening would have concluded with some sort of follow-up questionnaire.
So... stay away! Warn your friends (and grandparents)! Send the tickets to your enemies!
This, though, is one of my times to shine.
It has come to my attention that some of you have been receiving letters from a company called Television Preview. The letter offers YOU the exciting opportunity to preview upcoming fall TV shows and offer YOUR feedback. And YOU might win prizes.
Sounds great! The Midwest finally has a voice! But… it’s a scam. And a hilarious scam at that.
So the point of the whole thing is advertising testing. They have you fill out this “questionnaire” [NOTE: Get used to many quotation marks in this post – everything about Television Preview is faux.] about your favorite brands of hemorrhoid cream and the like so that they “know what to send you” if you should win the “door prize.”
The whole thing is “hosted,” by the way, by the schmarmiest piece of schmarm that you’ve ever seen. Dude puts John Travolta at his greasiest to shame.
Anyway, then the “show” starts. And it is clear from the beginning that something is amiss. From the get-go, you can tell that the production values are sub-UPN. In fact, they are barely super-Public Access.
Airy music is playing. Fuzzy lighting is everywhere. And we meet our heroine, a psychic wearing librarian glasses and her hair in a tight bun. Then enters her first client of the day, some tall/dark/handsome dude. They have a tense conversation. Her arms remain folded across her chest.
Cut scene. Commercials. About hemorrhoid cream.
New scene. Psychic and client are smoking a cigarette on her balcony. Her hair is no longer in a tight bun but is flowing in the wind. His shirt is partly unbuttoned. They are now apparently in love and will immediately begin exploring his past lives together. The airy music continues.
You get the idea. The whole thing makes no sense. And research on the internets later revealed that it was indeed a porn-less porn: a porn from which all of the actual porn had been cut out. And Television Preview was showing the thing to a roomful of 80-year-olds who really appeared to be none-the-wiser.
My friend and I did not stay any longer, but I imagine that the evening would have concluded with some sort of follow-up questionnaire.
So... stay away! Warn your friends (and grandparents)! Send the tickets to your enemies!
posted by OleNelson at 11:47 AM
3 Comments:
So now you tell us! I'm very glad that we couldn't go anyway... =)
You're right - that's beyond the threshold of annoyingness I'd subject myself to in order to do something bloggable.
I make a point of never doing anything where the motivation is that I *might* win a prize. I want a guaranteed win - or what the industry calls a "bribe". You give me a prize, and I "might" consider showing up for your shenanigans.
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