The Hauntening
I think I may have attracted a poltergeist.
My working theory is that one (or more) of my non-existent neighbors died and turned to haunting me in a fit of other-worldly boredom. This theory is supported by the strange “bodies dropping on the floor” sounds I keep hearing from the apartments above me. Hours of silence are typically followed by an enormous and deadened (and ominous) THUMP.
The haunting itself has taken many forms.
For instance, I absolutely cannot find my TV remote control. It’s not in the sock drawer. It’s not underneath the couch. It didn’t fall behind the dresser. I’m at a loss. I mean my apartment is NOT very big. The only logical explanation left is ghost pilfering.
And then there are the appliances. First my refrigerator freezes everything into a solid block of ice when the dial is set a single millimeter above off. Then the next day, all of my frozen peas and tater tots melt in a freezer that has suddenly decided to stop with the freezing. Again, supernatural-ism seems to be the most reasonable explanation.
Of course, the good news is that the poltergeists are not solely driven at torturing me. They have also brought back my cable TV! That’s right, cable miraculously re-appeared yesterday – perfectly timed to allow me to view the first episode of The Colbert Report on Comedy Central.
The bad news, though, is that the Polters (my pet name) may now be following me to campus. My jacket disappeared yesterday. During the entire day, I was in a total of three rooms. My jacket is not in any of these three rooms. Barring a more corporeal pilfering by Spice or J-Bro, I suspect that the ghosts are now styling in my water-proof black jacket. Stupid ghosts.
My working theory is that one (or more) of my non-existent neighbors died and turned to haunting me in a fit of other-worldly boredom. This theory is supported by the strange “bodies dropping on the floor” sounds I keep hearing from the apartments above me. Hours of silence are typically followed by an enormous and deadened (and ominous) THUMP.
The haunting itself has taken many forms.
For instance, I absolutely cannot find my TV remote control. It’s not in the sock drawer. It’s not underneath the couch. It didn’t fall behind the dresser. I’m at a loss. I mean my apartment is NOT very big. The only logical explanation left is ghost pilfering.
And then there are the appliances. First my refrigerator freezes everything into a solid block of ice when the dial is set a single millimeter above off. Then the next day, all of my frozen peas and tater tots melt in a freezer that has suddenly decided to stop with the freezing. Again, supernatural-ism seems to be the most reasonable explanation.
Of course, the good news is that the poltergeists are not solely driven at torturing me. They have also brought back my cable TV! That’s right, cable miraculously re-appeared yesterday – perfectly timed to allow me to view the first episode of The Colbert Report on Comedy Central.
The bad news, though, is that the Polters (my pet name) may now be following me to campus. My jacket disappeared yesterday. During the entire day, I was in a total of three rooms. My jacket is not in any of these three rooms. Barring a more corporeal pilfering by Spice or J-Bro, I suspect that the ghosts are now styling in my water-proof black jacket. Stupid ghosts.
posted by OleNelson at 10:08 PM
5 Comments:
Nice to see that you are still eating tater tots. Same here!!
YOUR POLTERGEIST STOLE J.PO's SCISSORS!!!!!!
TOTALLY! We need to call in the Ghostbusters or something. Those scissors vanished - over the course of 10 minutes (during which I did not exit my apartment).
How ever will I complete my holloween costume without my sewing scissors?? AAARRRRGGGHHHHH!!
I've been trying to put all these ghostey things together, and I just can't - I think you may be looking at a muliple-hauntening.
the Ghost Grandee makes his first public appearance since 1969... I love it!
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