Y'all Ain't Ready

Some things are almost too perfect to be true.

No, I’m not talking about raindrops or a child’s innocence or anything Smurfy like that. I’m talking about Tom Cruise jumping on a couch.

Or Bai Ling writhing on the floor non-singing “Like a Virgin.”

Or that completely bat-shit crazy woman from Trading Spouses this week. [Seriously. If you somehow didn’t see this woman in action, you have missed one FABULOUS moment of surrealism.]

The newest addition to the list of perfect things, though, is clearly Kevin Federline’s new rap single.

Ah, K-Fed. I thought you had reached your peak of ridiculousness when wore your ankle-rubbing cargo shorts and stained wifebeater for the third straight month. Or when you turned Brit-Brit from a temptress virgin diva to a cheeto-eating stepmother. But no. This week you gave the world “Y’all Ain’t Ready.”

Here are some lyrics:

“I know you wish you was in my position
Cuz I keep gettin’ into situations
That you wish you wuz in, cousin
I'm not your brother, not your uncle, I'm daddy, dude
Steppin' in this game and y'all ain't got a clue

But I know that you really can't wait
Cuz people are always askin' me when's the release date?
Well maybe baby you can wait and see
Until then, all these Pavarottis following me
Gettin' anxious, go take a peek, I'm starring in your magazine now every day of the week.”

Perfect, isn’t it? From his clarification that he is not my uncle (darn) to his apparently intense fear of stalking opera singers. Perfection across the board.

I have nothing to add. I am thoroughly amused.